Author Topic: glowworm  (Read 2683 times)

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November 07, 2011, 08:45:57 PM
Reply #15
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Glow--
Im going to be honest here and say I DID miss you when you were gone, and I know what you have been through mentally. Its not good, hun...I was lucky to get out while I could, but my circumstances were slightly different than yours. It sounds as if things are improving for you but you should know you do not have to live in fear of being degraded and verbally abused because you deserve so much better than that. If you can talk to him, please do..if he will listen then talk to him and get it out and I hope he takes you seriously. I could never talk to my husband, he would shut me out and tell me I was bitch and tell me I needed to get over myself and all sorts of things whenever I tried to talk about problems that were important to me ..and things that were affecting our relationship. He would just walk away from me and shut the bedroom door in my face. I hope thats not what you are facing. Bella said it very well..you need to find yourself and I had to leave as well to do that. I couldnt do it another day or I felt I would wake up one day and find my life passed by with nothing but bitterness, anger and remorse for staying and not doing what I needed to do for MYSELF..and stop doing what everyone else wanted me to do. If you want, you can always PM me or hit me up on chat on FB or whatever. Im behind you


November 08, 2011, 10:21:52 AM
Reply #16
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Oh my gosh, I have so much to say, but can't organize my thoughts!!!!

Kel, I'm so glad you left, and I applaud you for it  :clap: I do believe it was the right thing for you.

Back when all my abuse was going on, I should have left. But I didn't for various reasons.

Now tho...........Last week he got mad at me and started slamming around. I told him to STOP it!! He took a diazapam, settled down and that was it!!!! Later we discussed the issues. We ARE on the right track! There is just so much to wade thru.

I guess, right now, my biggest issue is how much needs to be rehashed and how much to leave in the past. I'll give you and example and I hope you don't think I'm just pathetic:

A long time ago, maybe 20 years!!! He had raged at me, telling me that I had put the top of a can in the garbage, slanted, PURPOSELY so he would cut himself!!! This has stuck in my head to the point that almost every time I put a lid in the garbage I think of it. It hurt me so profoundly that he would think I would do such a thing. YES its a small thing. But it occurred to me yesterday...................I wonder if I just told him, if it would finally leave my mind!!!!!!! I think I'm gonna try. So maybe, just maybe, that is the answer: Things that haunt me are unresolved in my psyche.

I just don't want it to be all negative, and for him to feel picked on constantly. YES He has a lot to answer for, but I want it to all be for healing, and to be careful how I approach it. Not because of fear, but because these kids are gonna leave and all we will have left is each other.

I use to think about leaving his ass, now I think: No way could I leave him alone, and lonely and I think its because without the rage, I can finally feel the love I have for him.

Sorry this was so long.


November 08, 2011, 10:40:15 AM
Reply #17
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Glow, I understand you wanting to stay with him. I understand the deep pain over what you think is a small thing. It wasn't. Before you do stay with him though I want you to make sure that he wants you to stay and that he is really, really serious in making the marriage work. Staying with him just because you'll both be lonely after the kids leave is not good enough. You both will have to move on after they are gone are redefine who you are, especially you. You can't go from parenting the kids to parenting him. You have to do something for Glow. If you want to stay and be in a partnership with him, then I understand...but you guys have a lot of work ahead of you. Good luck.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 08, 2011, 04:25:12 PM
Reply #18
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I agree with Sadie, Glow

Theres alot to repair in your marriage and the whole can lid in the garbage is not a small thing, obviously that it stuck with you for so long. Dont stay because you feel sorry for him and feel he needs you, that is co dependency. I did that for sooo long  because I felt he needed me, but when I finally seen that it was not going to get better and things were not going to change I had to do it for ME, for my sanity and well being. Im not telling you to leave him but I do want you to know you dont have to live being unhappy.


November 08, 2011, 08:34:09 PM
Reply #19
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(((((Glow)))))
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
Carl Sagan


November 09, 2011, 10:51:06 AM
Reply #20
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Now that he has stopped raging, I am finding a whole new reality. It feels so Good  :bliss: not to have that sinking terrified feeling come over me any more. As the months go on, I can redefine and rediscover what I want, and who I am, and who WE are as a couple  :biggrin: Thanks to you all for listening and giving me advice, I really appreciate it.


November 09, 2011, 11:01:24 AM
Reply #21
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Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 09, 2011, 08:01:11 PM
Reply #22
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(((((((((((((glow)))))))))))))))


November 11, 2011, 11:08:12 AM
Reply #23
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((((((KEL)))))))))  (((((((((Sadie)))))))))   :pump:


November 21, 2011, 12:15:25 AM
Reply #24
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((((Glow))))

First I have to say that I was off meds for three years, and wasn't really technically in therapy...per say...but i never liked the idea in being on meds from the beginning when I was on them. I started to be on them back in 1st year of university. I was on and off until in 2007 i went off them. I was in and out of therapy as well. Currently I'm back on it. it was a struggle for me to decide, but I had to make a decision. All I know is that I wouldn't think of you any different whether you are on or off. In my own personal opinion, I am hoping to get off it. I know...its my own personal battle, but meds and therapy do work as well. Sometimes just without meds and therapy can work. Each person is different. Either way i will never think of you differently!   :smile:

I know what you mean about finding out who you are...coming out of an abusive friendship, i was lost and didnt know who I was. So, it does take time to figure it out. Going through the journey is rough at times, but in due time, one will get there!  :smile: I'm still on it to a degree... :grouphug:



November 21, 2011, 10:41:01 AM
Reply #25
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The weekend wasn't so great  :sad: I fell asleep writing a post about it (in my head) Wish I had a tape recorder, cause now I feel exhausted just thinking about trying to explain it all!!

There was NO rage. But me and the OH were like oil and water. From the moment he got up, it felt like he was saying all the wrong things, and me too!!

My daughter opened up a little bit about how she feels. That is the long story part. Her and my OH have a very rocky relationship and I am always dissecting it and trying to find a way to help them come back together *sigh I know it is really up to them, but I sure would like the relationship to be healed, and being stuck in the middle is NO FUN!!


November 21, 2011, 11:39:12 AM
Reply #26
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(((((((((((((glow))))))))))))))))))
Im sorry you had a not so great weekend. My eldest daughter and I dont get along that well. Theres not alot you can do but let them try and work it out.


November 21, 2011, 11:45:13 AM
Reply #27
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Sorry you had a crappy weekend. I agree with Kel, they are going to have to work it out themselves, but I am sorry that you are in the middle.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 21, 2011, 02:22:22 PM
Reply #28
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Sorry Glow.  :console:


November 21, 2011, 03:00:10 PM
Reply #29
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I used to get in the middle of fights between my daughters and their dad..he was way too strict and would threaten with inflicting pain...of course he never did but I thought it was wrong he did that. He would always try and ground them for a month. I hated his discipline and we fought over it all the time. He said i was too lenient which I prob was but I hated the fighting. It was everyday in our house.