Author Topic: my story...  (Read 2019 times)

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November 20, 2011, 12:26:01 AM
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Hi...

I'm going to attempt this board...please bare with me...I may jump around and going to take it slow...

 :trigger:   :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:    :trigger:

I remember when I was 7 or 8, i hung out with one of my brothers friends, there were maybe 5 or 6 of us, I think...I can't remember, we were in their basement, these guys were older than us, but my brother would play street hockey with them, and anyway, one of them wanted me to go towards their crotch, and nothing was showing. My brother wanted to stop them and so they held my brother at one end of the room, and these people were saying that it is okay...I didn't really understand...they told me that it was okay, and for me to do it. I didn't want to, but i can't remember what was said, but i ended up doing it. I think I did it twice, and they said that they were going to tell on me. They were going to blackmail me. I cried to my mom and told her what happened, she went to talk to the parents, that was the start to the different episodes of my life that lead me to where I am today.

Growing up wasn't easy at times, i remember the yelling and fights as well. I got into trouble, I was smacked, I guess it was normal in that time period as well. Sometimes, it was in front of family members too...i felt very low about it too, if I was good...then it wouldnt' happen.

I remember when I wanted another piece of cake at my grandmothers and she put the whole cake ontop of the shelf, and i cried. In the end, I didn't want it, but i didn't understand why..I'm not sure how old I was.

I remember I got smacked for peeing in my underwear one day while being trained by my grandmother, and I was left soaked in it for the day, while my mother and brother was away. I didn't understand what was going on...I might of been about 1.5 or 2yrs...I just remember...i'm not sure how...

When my "aunt" came into the picture, or was a g/f at the time to my uncle, my brother and eye were mesmerized by her. She was young, and apparently I couldn't stop starring at her. We both loved her. She made us laugh so much...I was crying so hard, because I was laughing so hard my stomach was killing me. My mother didnt' like it, because we were laughing so much...but she continued. My aunt let us be kids I guess, and showed us what fun was about and just being silly. She was that kind of person. She would tickle us and just be a kid like us. We both just wanted to be around her and loved it. We were both in the wedding too. Sleeping over as kids was the best part! I snored and I slept with my aunt.... :giggle: she didnt' get much sleep either... :giggle: She was the favourite, and she saw what my family was like and so, she took us out a lot and let us be kids really. I once told her, and she remembers this that I said "I wish you were my mom!" on the phone. She was in tears, but she knew why. She gave the attention that we needed from a mom I guess....


November 20, 2011, 01:38:02 PM
Reply #1
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Hmm, sounds like your grandma did not know anything about potty training a child.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 20, 2011, 02:59:20 PM
Reply #2
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I'm glad you had your Aunt in your life.
"if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun"
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November 20, 2011, 06:14:41 PM
Reply #3

I'm also glad you had that aunt, kc, but I'm sorry you didn't get the love and care you needed from your mother. Sounds like both your parents were depressed, but that's not an excuse for them to hit you and neglect you. Some people really shouldn't be parents. I wish you could have moved in with your aunt.

Is that aunt still in your life? I hope so.
This too shall pass.


November 20, 2011, 06:42:16 PM
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Wow, kc, I am so sorry for all the terrible things that happened in your life.  It's ok if you jump around.  However you tell your story is ok.

It is really nice to hear about your Aunt who joined the family.   Sometimes ppl from the outside see things better than ppl who've been living in the middle of it.  She sounds like a ray of sunshine.  I'm wondering too if she is still in your life.
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
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November 20, 2011, 08:59:02 PM
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November 20, 2011, 10:53:20 PM
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I have to say that my aunt(mom's side of the family, my moms brothers wife) was a big part in my life. She took us, my brother and I, camping, and it was for the weekend with my uncle. The first camping trip was good, until I wasn't being to good at times I guess...because she wanted to smack me. I got scared, I didn't want it to happen. It didn't, and the rest of the night was good. We would have the "big noodles" at night to keep us warm. It was fun.
The second time she brought us camping was fun...we had to go up this sandy hill and I had this big stick and my uncle was behind me. I was like "are we there yet?" I think I was about 10? I can't remember. It was hot out and we finally reached the lake! My brother and I always tried to get my aunt off the blow up mat, whatever you call it that goes in water. It was fun!

With my aunt, I remember when I was around, 8 or 9, and she was still understanding the english language, because her background was french. She spoke english, but some phrases or saying she would have to ask my uncle. So, we had a major snow storm and busses was cancelled. At the time they were living with my grandparents at the time and we were making a huge snow fort. So, out of the blue I said to my aunt "Nanni nanni boo boo, stick your head in poo poo!!!" I started running afterwards because once she got the translation from my uncle, she came charging at me and she gave me a snow face....ahahahahahahahahahahahaha  :lmao:  Every time we tell that story to each other we are in tears laughing at that! She was nice enough to give me hot chocolate afterwards!  :giggle:     I have a lot more...

In regards to my parents, they were there at times, we did have some fun, I was in baseball as well, in my brothers team at times, playing at the park and that was fun...with my dad, we rode our bikes together at times. When I was playing baseball, I was small and I guess I just wouldn't budge, I was someoen who needed some oiling if you wish, I was very firm with the bat.
I do remember that my mom made us eat brussels sprouts and liver before the came, and to this day, I hate those to items. She said that if we don't eat the brussels sprouts, we won't hit homeruns...um...and for some stupid reason, when we did eat, we hit homeruns! When we didn't, we didn't. Go figure...I stopped playing basebal at the age of 9, because I was hit by the ball during the game, and that was the end of it. I was afraid of the baseball. I finished the season with them, we won that season, but that was it for me! All the other years I went to see my brother's games, so it was a nice outing.

Also, my parents had my cousins over on my dad side of the family. They were close in age with us, and my brother and I were excited everytime they came over for a sleepover. It was great. It was almost once a month or something, later in the years I learned that my aunt(dads sister) was having a breakdown in her depression, another story I'm not going to get into. Anyway, having my cousins over was a lot of fun. We ran around at the park played tag, played "team monopoly", boys againsts girls, so 2boys against 3 girls. It was fun! We all became close, I became close to my cousin up to a certain time and then communication was cut for some reason. I'm not sure...my dads family is like that...not much communication there. All i can say, it was fun while it lasted.

I remember a time when my mom went out at night and my dad fell asleep. Okay, before I continue, you got to visualize this, because its too funny...so, my dad fell asleep, and I had this  bright idea! I had hair clips, and so I decided to put a lot of hair clips in my dads hair. He was starting to lose some hair. Anyway, as I was putting it on, he had no clue, I may have put some lipstick on him too, I cant remember, but when my mom came home, she had a good chuckle! My dad woke up and he couldn't believe what happened!  :lmao: I have to say that I did a great job at that!  :giggle:

My dad sometimes wasn't flexible at times and my brother and I both got it, because we didn't put away our toys when asked. I do remember him watching tv a lot though, Mash was one of them, Entertainment tonight was another.

Growing up, we said our prayers and one night when my mom was out, I cried, because my dad wouldn't pray with me. So, when my mom came at about 10 or 11pm, she prayed with me and I went to sleep. I'm not sure how old I was but I was young.

I remember one summer I scared the shit out of my parents, I decided to go to bed early, I left the dinner table, I put my plate on the counter and went to bed. My dad of course was watching tv, so, he was zoned out. All of a sudden, they were wondering where I was. They were calling me, i never answered, they had my brother go to the park, and my mom found me in my room sleeping in the end. They had the neighbours looking a bit too, and then they told them I was in my room.

My neighbours were fun to be with too. One of them was going to Nursing school, and she was fun to be with too. We had a lot of fun with her. She sat for us when my parents were out. It was fun.

I also went to camp. I loved it! I went every year from the age of 6 and on. My first year, I had two best counsellors. They were the best and were really nice. From then on, I went every year...it gave me a break from my parents as well. I must say that I was a little shit though...yes, moi, a weee shit. It came out mid week though. I was shy, I had to figure out who these counsellors were and then hit my plan...hehehehe.  :giggle: I remember when i was 12, we were having a bbq outside for lunch, we were in cabins, the campsite was huge, it was called camp kingkora. Anyway, we were having a bbq outside next to the dining hall, and i was bothering was the counsellors I had once. It came to a point where I ran soooo fast, because she was goign to put me in the garbage can...and yes, they did that! Luckily it didnt' happen, but I watched my back afterwards! I mean, away from my parents for a week? I needed to get it out in a non-parent zone! Thankfully they never told my parents! I remember there were a few kids in my group who would tell the counsellors that if they were bad to give them smacks, I was thinking, are you nuts??? I guess it was what they were accustomed to. When they were bad, they retraced what they said, and avoided it, and it didn't happen really. 
My cousins on my dad side, the ones that were at our house went to the camp afterwards. We were in the same cabins, we made sure. Mind you, it went by age group, my cousins younger sister wasn't with us, the brother was with the guys and my cousins, we were the same age. Another friend of mine went with us too for one year. It was a lot of fun. We made some friends, and yes, I was a wee shit still...hehehehe...but not to bad...I'm more of a shy person though in the beginning...seriously.

I do remember a year where i was seriously sick and I was in grade 4. The teacher wanted to fail me, and I said no! I guess my fighter instinct in me started at a young age. I missed 3mths of school and in the end they put me on trial for grade 5 for the first term and I passed! While I was sick, my grandfather(mom side) would pick me up from school while my parents were working and bring me to his house and he always had good stuff made! He would also bring me to school, because I wasnt allowed to take the bus due to my sickness, and so, he would take my brother and I to school and pick us up. My brother and I would go to my grandparents house almost every weekend growing up too. At a young age though, realizing at this age, we were to pick who we liked the most. We had to pick a favourite. I thought it was funny at that age. You could also tell that my brother was more favoured, because he was a boy to a degree...i'm not sure how to explain it. I'll explain later though, maybe in another post...anyway, they were hungarians.

My aunt, on my mom side of the family was someone whom I was very close to in the end. The year that we were moving six hours away, due to a transfer hit me like a ton of bricks. It just hit me. I never wanted to move. I was going to be away from family and friends, and my aunt! I was moving to a place where I had no family, but my parents! I was devastated, and I must say that I took it the hardests! I wasn't the same. I was leaving the swim team, which I was in, I had a ton of fun being on the swim team, I biked a lot, I would bike to my grandparents house during the summer, stay over and then go back home. Everyone was close by, and I could't go to camp either. That summer in the end, I wasn't happy. It was tough, but I had to make it work, because there wasn't really a choice in that matter. Staying at my grandparents, I wouldn't either, because my grandfather also had a temper as well. I didn't like it to much. Out of the move though, my aunt and uncle bought us a nintendo with mario brothers! That was a really good gift! We were really happy!...

 


November 21, 2011, 12:36:26 PM
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KC, sounds like most of your childhood, at least until the move was fun. You were a wee little devil at camp, huh? Glad you got to have fun with your friends.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 21, 2011, 01:40:59 PM
Reply #8
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KC, sounds like most of your childhood, at least until the move was fun. You were a wee little devil at camp, huh? Glad you got to have fun with your friends.

It was to a degree. I was with people who made it enjoyable, my family, there were the odd times ya, but then there was my mom always lying down and her thing of fun was lie down and read a story. I wanted more, and so being around my aunt, was something I wanted, someone who was being active too. Anyway, I will tell more of my story...


November 21, 2011, 03:00:21 PM
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So, I moved when I was 12, and it was exciting at times, but then it really hit me. I was alone. During the move though, my parents received word that my grandfather on my dad side of the family passed away. It was a shock to everyone, because we just saw him two days ago and my dad gave him a haircut. It was like my grandfather knew. So, we all flew back the following day for the funeral. I was sort of happy to be back, stayed at my grandparents(mom side of the family) for a few more days, but the funeral, my dad is italian, so it makes me half italian, and half hungarian(mom side of the family), but I'm 100% canadian and a bit of a quebecer, since I was born in that province. So the funeral was very sombre...and after the whole thing, we went to my grandmothers(dad side of the family) and had something to eat. My dad was being a macho guy which was disgusting, ordering around...my grandmother(mom side of the family) didn't like that.

Flipping a bit back, my dad was like that though...growing up as well, he needed to control and so ordering people around was his thing I guess. He sometimes threatened too...and I was there when that happened, i remember he mentioned divorce and I started to cry because it sounded bad. Sometimes my mother and I would go to my grandparents(her parents) to get away from it all...I felt confused as a child though...why the yelling and the fights...it didn't make sense. My mother wanted to stay over night, but I didn't want to, my brother was home, and I wanted him to be with us too, I couldnt' comprehend why he wasn't with us...he didnt' want to leave, but I couldn't understand it...so, we went back home afterwards...so, it was like that growing up too...

So, back to the funeral part, the rest of us went back to my grandparents(my mom's side of the family), my uncle was with us, and my dad would meet us later.
We then the following day had to go back to my new place. We went back by train and a friend of my moms childhoods parents picked us up and brought us over to our new house afterwards after dinner.

Later we went to the school to get my brother and I registered. My brother for one year went to high school. In Montreal, high school started at grade 7, but moving to Ontario, high school started at grade 9. My poor brother had to go back to elementary school for one year. He hated it...where I had to go back for another two years, which was a blow in my face. I could say that I have graduated from elementary school twice...I got a lot of slack from my friends in Montreal about that, but we always laugh it off...it was in good fun. I kept in contact with my friends in Montreal...and to this date I'm still am with a few, and one of them is my best friend as well.

Going to school here was hard for me. I would have episodes where i would just cry, because I would miss my friends in Montreal. I had family come here to visit us, my grandparents(mom side) would come and visit us a lot too, and my grandfather would come and pick us up from school...it was his official job to pick us up everytime they came to visit with some Tim horton timbits of course! I loved those weekends as well! I hated when they had to leave, I would start to cry in the end.

During the thanksgiving weekend, everyone came on my mom side of the family, grandparents and my aunt and uncle!!! I was excited about my aunt coming down, because she was so much fun to be with and I missed it very much! Of course, there was always comments when my brother and I was with my aunt...because she played with us still and scared the living shit out of us, but hiding and say "BOO" or just a "SCREAM"...and of course my brother and I jump, and we started to laugh...i have to admit we did the same back to her with a lot of joy! lol... :giggle: I didn't want the weekend to end...it was so surreal, but when the day came, i was sad. I just wanted to cry. I became super close to my aunt though.

My aunt and I would write letters to each other and talk on the phone. My aunt would talk to me about stuff that my mother didn't. She told me about birth controls and safe sex as well. Somehow, my mother got hold of one of my letters and was upset about that. I'm catholic and so, we are not to know about that stuff and to wait for marriage. I told my aunt that I was unaware of my mom doing this and so I started to hide my letters in a shoebox, to which I have recently found. I would confide to my aunt everything of my hopes and dreams, my sadness and what was going on with me.

Going to elementary school for two years here was tough in the end. I messed up a birthday invitation once and didn't go and i was just scarred from it with the classmates in my school. They weren't the same anymore. They started to exclude me from everyone and i wasn't good enough for them anymore. So, I felt that I messed up in making friends, and I didnt' have much friends after. In grade 8, I tried to redeem myself by joining a volleyball team. It felt good, because I was doing good too. After the volleyball games were over, it was back to being excluded again. I made one new friend, which was good...but she was sometimes excluding me too, i didn't get it, but we became friends, which lasted till a bit of university. With this friend, in the end, I wasn't good enough in high school to hang around with her in the end, or study with her in grade 12 because I wasn't smart enough, because I didn't have high marks. It was her parents doing, but she wouldn't stand up for herself. To this day, we dont' talk, and she became a snot. I guess the signs were there in the beginning.

Living here, I felt very alone. The holidays, Christmas and some summers we would go back to Montreal. I loved it. In the end, I would go back on my own and spend about a month and a half or so in the summer. Some summers with my grandparents wasn't all pleasant though...it was tough...my aunt had to intervene a few times too.

When I started high school, I felt okay, I will make new friends and forget the people I went to school with. I made some new friends and thing were going great, I felt happy finally. Then I met this one friend. She started to exclude herself from people, and had her make friends with people whom I was with friends too, and then she wanted to be alone, just me and her. I ended up doing that, respected her wishes, had lunch with her only. I later learn about her story later in the semester, and the abuse she was going through. One lunch, she just told me everything...the look on my face was white, I was in shock, and I didnt' know what to do. My friend at the time(the one who became a snot, so I will refer her as snot friend) made me tell her what happened. She told me that if i didnt' tell her, she wouldn't talk to me. So, I told her, and she said that I had to tell my parents and she would mention it to hers. I didnt' and she made me tell my parents or else she won't talk to me. So, i told my parents. We both went to the school counsellor and I told the story on what was going on. We were keeping tabs, and I was hanging around with my friend who was being abused. Long story short, my mom brought us to the police station in February, during a science fair, my friend was sleeping over since we were partners for the school science fair. So, we were played by my mom and her friend whom she got her involved as well. Stayed at the police station for the rest of the day, and I was in the room with my friend for the whole entire time, because she wanted me to be there. So I heard the story from beginning to the end...it was an extremely hard day for me and draining. Luckily my friends dad pleaded guilty, or else I would of had to go to trial as well or a possibility. I was about 14 at the time.
Anyway, this friend turned it on me in the end, because she was angry with me and because I destroyed her family and broke them apart. I told someone about the abuse. Her mom, to this day hates my guts. I don't talk to her much or not at all now. She gave me grief in high school as well, bullied me in the end, to where my mom called the principles office and I was called down. There was this other friend I had to make friends with because my mom felt sad that she had no friends. So, she became friends with the friend who was abused. Them two ganged up on me and bullied me...I ended up getting gum in my hair too. So, when i was called down to the principals office, I had a choice of pressing charges for harrassment. I was in grade 10, so i was about 15. I said no, because I knew what my friend who was abused went through, and she went through enough, but I asked the principal to give them two a warning, because thats where I would press charges afterwards. In grade 12, my friend who was abused apologized to me about all of her behaviour, because she told me that she was angry at me, but knows that it wasnt my fault.

I remember I confided this to my aunt one year when she was visiting, I was feeling sad, and I was crying, because I thought I did something bad still, but she reassured me that I didn't and I was brave and I was a good friend.
My parents was also proud of me too, but my parents gave me a fucking comment after saying "now dont' start saying that you were abused too" and there was literature on different kinds of abuse. I started to peak at the literature and I was getting confused and I saw my dad in there. I was dumbfounded. They can't prove that, I got no scars. So, I had to keep it in. I was afraid to go into a home anyway.

Its a tough thing to through...and so, the rest of my high school years sucked the big one again. Barely any friends, I had more guy friend than anything else though. I had about 5 guy friends. I just brought myself to the library and did my homework and I was called a loner. I would hide my lunch and eat it there at times and do my homework. I was officially depressed. Mind you, my depression started I believe when I moved here...it just escallated from the different event in my life. My doctor says to me that ever since she knew me, I had a low mood, if she is willing to sit and listen to my stories or go through them i'm sure she would pinpoint why. Personally it doesn't take a genius to figure it out I dont think.

I remember telling my mom that she can't hit me anymore or something...and so she spoke to my doctor about it and my doctor started to sweet talk me that it is okay for the right reasons. I was like uh? what do you mean? Because of the situation with my friend who was abused...I don't get it.

Anyway, i was given threats of being hit, if I made my mom angry, i would of been called a jackass or an asshole. My dad would start ignoring me too.

My grades weren't good enough, I would get told if I had a 70%, well where is the other 30%? I didn't feel good about it.

This is some of my teen years...i'm going to stop here...there's more to come...


November 21, 2011, 03:17:59 PM
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((kc))
reading along
"if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun"
Katherine Hepburn


November 21, 2011, 03:22:51 PM
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 :console:  Sorry you had to go through all that.  :grouphug:


November 21, 2011, 05:38:26 PM
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Reading along kc.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 21, 2011, 06:54:24 PM
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For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
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November 21, 2011, 09:00:31 PM
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 :console: I HATED high school. I didn't even go back for the ten year reunion.