Author Topic: my story...  (Read 2215 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

November 21, 2011, 11:15:04 PM
Reply #15
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2060
  • Panda at Toronto Zoo

:console: I HATED high school. I didn't even go back for the ten year reunion.

I don't think I will go, unless I would have something really awesome to show for and stick it the assholes who excluded me especially to snot face, because I wasn't in the end good enough!


November 23, 2011, 04:09:43 PM
Reply #16
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2060
  • Panda at Toronto Zoo

As I said, my lovely teen years continues...

 :trigger:  :trigger:  :trigger:   :trigger:

I remember when I was 15 I believe and my dad had this friend whose family we supported quite a bit, and this friend would be at our house fixing something, because we had the space and tools. When I first met the guy, he said that he liked me. I was um...okay. Then in the summer, or whenever I saw him, he said he liked me. I think in one day, he told me he liked me about 20 times. I was feeling uncomfortable too, but didn't say a word, because he was my dad's friend and we were supporting them in any way or form, he had a home of his own, but just was having a difficult life at the time. I carried on in what I was doing...minding my own business...i was making muffins one day that summer too, and he was there. I gave him some to give to his family. I had to pretend that everything was fine. One August, we all went to a beach, my family and my dads family and i acted like nothing happened as well. I was sitting at the bench somewhere at a beach, he came along, and sat next to me, my parents were at a picnic table or something, not far away...i'm not sure if there was anyone there, but he told me that I had nice legs. Prior to that, I read an article about sexual harrassment and if you find it uncomfortable then its harrassment. Remembering the article afterwards, I was shocked. I once again played it like nothing happened. He wouldn't go into the lake unless I went. I told him to go and she said that if I went, they we he will go. I said fine...I we were in the lake with his wife and my mom, and his son. So, I played on having a good time that in the lake and pretended nothing happened. From then on I didn't want to wear pants.
A couple of weeks later, i told my mom what happened. We were going out with his wife, and then I told my dad. My dad was not to happy that I told my mom. My dad told me that, nothing was said wrong, it was just a comment about the legs. Its okay...its normal. Anyway, he didnt' like it when I told my mom, because he knew shit was going to hit the roof. I felt bad, because, I made a mistake for telling my mom, maybe it was just a comment, i shouldn't have overreacted to it I guess. Well, shit had hit the fan, my dads friends wife protected him by saying that where they come from, its normal to say that, no harm done...its just a compliment. Little do they know what he said to me before that, saying that he liked me almost 20 times a day. EVERY TIME I saw him, he would say that. In the end, my mom band him from the house. He would come along again, to talk to my brother, but my mother told him to go away, and I believe threatened with an estraining(can't remember the spelling) order as well. She blocked the number from calling into the house as well.
I think also prior to the blocking and me telling them what happened, he even called if I can teach him how to skate or just go skating...i'm not a good ice skater. I was thinking, okay, its the summer, what rinks are open??? I asked what about his kids? He said that they don't have time...then I asked, what about his wife? He then says, oh, you will be showing her too. I was like "Oh?!?". I spoke to my mom from work and she said no. She found it odd, that it was the summer and he was asking this too. I said okay, and it didn't happen. I think later then, I told them what happened. No one believed me but my mother. It was nice that she stood up for me. It bothered my mother quite a bit, but I think I learned to block it in my memory, because I didn't want to talk about it anymore and I was annoyed that my mom was bringing it up. I then literally wore pants for four years, even when it was stinking hot of humidex of 37C. No one couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't wear shorts and go swimming anymore. I didn't want to wear it. Even though I blocked out of my memory, I guess it was affecting me still. To this day, I haven't been back to the same lake and the place where it happened. I did confront a lake in itself when doing my mini triathlon on the first year. It was liberating and I almost cried too. It felt like "I DID IT!" and i did! I have been swimming for awhile now...not sure how long though, but its on and off. Just being at a public pool, I sometimes get nervous, but then, I'm okay. In my blog, I wrote about facing someone at the grocery store with my dad, who came up to me and said hello. Well this guy was the one who did all this. My dad was spoken to at the time that what this guy did was wrong. In therapy, I will now have to face this...I never read anything about sexual abuse or really spoke about it...I'm not looking forward to that day...mind you, the book on Nikki Rosen, The eyes of deception will be the start of the topic I think...considering I was told that what I went through, is a form of sexual abuse... :sadwalk:
I will continue later tonight after work...


November 23, 2011, 04:43:02 PM
Reply #17
  • Administrator
  • Superhero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24937
  • everglades

KC, I'm sorry that happened, but your mom stopped it long before it became abuse. It was subtle harassment...but it got cut off. If he could have gotten his hands on you he would have sexually abused you. I hate to say it, but many females go through this, and worse. It is a very common problem in our society.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 23, 2011, 06:25:35 PM
Reply #18
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 14340

I'm not sure how subtle that harassment was (I know I am very sensitive to this sort of thing b/c it happened to me repeatedly & it may be colouring my opinion), but I am *so* glad your mother took it seriously & also took action.  I am sorry your father didn't get it & stand up for you too. 

That is so creepy.  The guy deserved a kick in the nuts, preferably by your entire family.  What was an adult male (not to mention the fact that he's married, the asshole) doing hanging around a 15 yr old & hassling her?  Yes, a kick in the nuts was definitely in order.  I really despise men (& I use the term loosely) like that. 

If the language is bad, kc, let me know, I'll clean it up.   
For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.
Carl Sagan


November 23, 2011, 06:55:26 PM
Reply #19
  • Administrator
  • Superhero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24937
  • everglades

It was subtle in many ways Moreso, in the fact that he was rather slick with it. His wife said it was a compliment. Many men are very crude with the way they go about it. Did not mean to say it was not there. He just was not crude. I'm sorry you went through it too. I went through several bouts of it myself, and it was not so subtle. Sorry to say, again, that it is a very common problem faced by females and some males.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 23, 2011, 07:44:11 PM
Reply #20

 :hug: KC, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.

It must have been hard and confusing for you to tell your parents that your friend had been abused when your parents were abusing you. There may have been a difference in the type of abuse. I don't know if your friend was being beaten more severely or maybe being sexually abused.  But when your parents hit you that was abuse too. I'm sorry that no one stood up for you and that even the doctor was telling you that what they were doing was ok. It makes me so mad when adults conspire to take advantage of kids like that  :veryangry:

About that guy who was a friend of your father's, what he did was wrong, and I am glad that your mom believed you and stopped him.  A grown man shouldn't be talking to a teenage girl like that.

I've had similar things happen to me. The first was when I was in fifth grade. We had a teacher who was always nicer to the girls than the boys. He would rub their shoulders. I was so naive at the time that I didn't see a problem with it. But the other girls said he would snap their bra straps. Well, when I was 11 I was nowhere near ready to wear a bra. I was completely flat and so tiny that I could pass for 6 or 7. This teacher liked me the best. He showed me a lot of favoritism in class and was always rubbing my shoulders. Luckily, I was never alone with him. Also, it didn't really bother me, but the other kids picked up on it. One of them said that he would rape me. I didn't really believe him and wasn't that scared. But when I look back on it, that guy was really sick for treating little girls like that. Especially that he singled me out. I was actually one of the older kids, but I looked much younger than all the other girls. So it probably meant he had a thing for girls even younger than 5th grade.

The next thing that happened was when I was in summer arts camp. I had this drama teacher there who kept pointing out things about how I looked, like that I had a butt like J. Lo. And he would do things like whistle when I walked by. He would touch me too, never in a bad way and never when we were alone, but he touched my legs one time and told me I needed to shave them. And he also put his arm around me. Again, it wasn't until later that I realized what he was doing was inappropriate.

I never told my parents any of this, and I don't really feel that those experiences were traumatizing.  I was too naive at the time to realize what was going on, and I'm very lucky that I was never actually abused. KC, it seems like you were smarter than I was and nipped that thing in the bud before anything really bad could happen.
This too shall pass.


November 23, 2011, 09:35:17 PM
Reply #21
  • Mistress Extraordinaire
  • Administrator
  • Superhero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6908
  • Judge not lest ye be judged yourself

i too had a similar experience at a friend of my parents house. I was outside playing and there was this older guy prob in his late 40s or 50s painting in the garage. He called me over for some reason and somehow paint got on my pants. Well he said he needed to clean it off and told me to pull down my pants and I did a little and he was wiping his rag like cleaning the paint off but then I got scared, pulled my pants up and ran into the house and never left my parents side til we left. I never told what happened because i was scared I would get in trouble or they would think I was lying. I shudder to think what may have happened if my instincts hadnt kicked in. I must of been around the age of 10. I was naive and thought he was only helping me get the paint off..right..perv . I dont recall exactly how I ended up even in the garage with him or how the paint got on my pants, But it just goes to show how easily children and teens can be manipulated.


November 23, 2011, 10:22:56 PM
Reply #22

That's scary Kel. He probably put the paint on your pants himself, so he could have an excuse to clean it off. Glad you got away.
This too shall pass.


November 23, 2011, 11:24:28 PM
Reply #23
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6494

kc, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you but I'm glad that your mom stopped it.

I'm afraid my mom would never protect me.  :sadwalk:  My first ever male friend started visiting me all the time.  He even came to my room and she didn't stop him.

He was not my bf despite he followed me from a grocery store and my parents were impressed by him.  He had a job and nice car.  We fought a lot because I was confused why he was seeing me if he didn't want to be my bf but at the same time he wanted me to touch him which I refused.  My parents liked him but they had no clue.  At one point we argued so much that he rub himself on me (fully clothed).  Now, all I can think of is ewww. 

I had no friends and I desperately wanted him to be my friend too so that was kind of strange.  He promised me a vacation to PEI some day which of course would never happen.  We fought all the time as he didn't know why I was so angry.

I didn't know what was going on...I couldn't express myself as I tried telling him why I was angry at him.  All he did was laugh.

It was the most strange relationship.  Even after 11 yrs he calls me up wanting to be friends and apologizes that we were both young and stupid.  I hate him because he will never understand how he hurt me.  A few days later, i decided that he still annoys me and I don't think I could ever be his friend because he still annoys me too much.  He has some gall to be laughing at personal things that I have hurt me (family).

I can't say that I have good friends.



November 23, 2011, 11:37:06 PM
Reply #24
  • Administrator
  • Superhero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24937
  • everglades

I'm sorry Happy.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 24, 2011, 12:37:12 AM
Reply #25

I'm sorry to hear that Happy  :console:

It's pretty common for people to just pretend like things never happened. I've had people who were really mean to me in high school want to be facebook friends and be really nice. It's confusing for me. And a guy who didn't treat me too well got in touch with me again after several years acting like nothing happened. It really bugs me when people just deny things like that.
This too shall pass.


November 24, 2011, 01:42:30 PM
Reply #26
  • Administrator
  • Superhero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24937
  • everglades

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Down))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That too is very, very common.
Hate is so ugly, no matter how much religion you wrap around it.~Mox


November 24, 2011, 02:03:43 PM
Reply #27
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 6103
  • My little Goddess Athena

Most people look at their pasts with rose coloured glasses on.
"if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun"
Katherine Hepburn


November 24, 2011, 09:51:35 PM
Reply #28
  • Superhero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2060
  • Panda at Toronto Zoo

and my story continues...

Back in high school, I started to hang our with these guys in my class...but at the same time, I would skip my lunch and bring my lunch to the library or just not bring my lunch from home, because I had no one to eat lunch and I was considered a loser, since I had no friends. I would get asked if I have any friends and why I am alone...losers eat lunch by themselves. So, I used my time by studying in the library, get some homework done, so I didn't have much when I got home, or concentrate on stuff that I needed to get done.
One day, my brother came up to me in the library and told me that one of his classmates liked me. He said that he was 17yrs old. I was 15(Grade 10). I said, okay...and so I said yes. He came up to me and asked me out. It was going all right...my mother was being protective, watching movies wasn't the best thing to do in my house, because my mother didn't like that we were watching "Ace Ventura" by Jim Carey(I knew people who went to school with him or taught him as well, apparently he was the class clown). So we ended up watching movies at his house, and that was alright. I was told by his sister who was in my class that he couldn't stop talking about me and he really liked me. I was still wearing pants and we were going to an event and his parents were driving on the weekend. It was stinking hot, but I was wearing pants. I was having a good time, and later that night, he put his arms on my shoulder and I told him in a nice way "please no...its hot". He continues to do it again...I said "please no..." I think I had to tell him a few times, his excuse said "everyone else is doing it!" He does it again, and I said "NO!" I got scared and worried that this guy can't seem to understand a simple word "no" for something so small. I wanted to go home afterwards, but I couldn't. Finally we were leaving, and I just had to keep it in.
Then there was another incident where he was pressuring me to do something, okay, this may sound small I guess...but I felt pressured. He wanted me to have this first kiss. I was new to all of this, I felt weird about it, and I didn't want to...I was shy about it, didn't know how to do it...I was just pressured. So, I ended up doing it, and the followign day he was the biggest jerk and I was humiliated. Apparently this guy was taking drugs too. Needless to say, I never went out with him afterwards. I could tell you that about almost 20yrs later, he apologized on what a jerk he was. He became a facebook friend and I saw him this summer. He still feels bad about it, and I told him that its okay...and I forgave him. It takes a man to say I'm sorry for the wrong they did. To be honest with you, he is the only one who ever apologized to me....

When I was about 17, I went to a youth conference, in Steubenville, Ohio at the University. It was good and fun. Saturday night, in a big tent, we split ourselves and started to cheer for "C-A-N-A-D-A", and then the americans would say "U-S-A". It was amazing and then we had our cheers and sang our national athems...it was a ritual...amazing...it was a Catholic High School Youth Conference, so to the U.S we would say "We love Jesus, yes we do, we love Jesus how about YOU?!?" That was going back and forth, like a competition...all in good fun though...it was for three days, two nights. Of course, I wanted to go to it every year, away from my parents and everything...and that year, on the bus going there, I met one of my bf, I'll call him JM. He was the best. He knew someone that I knew that he went to school with and we just clicked! We hung around each other whenever we can during the conference and sat next to each other...we had a lot of spare time and had fun together! So, when we got back to Canada, we basically hung around and we were two peas in a pod. We are friends to this day! I went to his prom and he went to my graduation party. People thought we were dating, but we weren't. He made me laugh a lot too. We studied together in the end in high school...he helped me in English in grade 12, and then he was shocked and surprised that I was doing so well in grade 13(OAC) english, because I took it in night school and I beat his ass in English in grade 13, because he took in day school.  :giggle: From this day on, he calls me ENGLISH EXPERT and he's SMART ASS! He couldn't get it, because he helped me all through grade 12 english, proofread my work and everything....everytime we bring it up, his eyes just rolls...lol...i love it....he would read one of my assignments and he looks at me and says "you didn't write that!" and with a smile I say "YUP...I DID ALRIGHT!"  :smile: I must say he was very impressed, considering I BS'd my way on that essay and received a 93% to which I thought it was garbage! All I can say he is my BFF, well one of them..you will hear more of him later...but I'm glad we met during the high school youth conference!!!

Also, during my prom, I had two dates! Yes, two dates. Two guys wanted to take me out on my prom, and it looked like two bodyguards too.  :giggle: I must say I was the only one with two dates!  :smile: So, it felt good. They were my friends too.

My last year of high school was alright...mind you there was this time where I received whiplash from my mom. She was working nights and I just came home from work at night, and by accident I was a bit loud while I was talking to my dog. I went downstairs and the next thing I knew my mom hits the side of my head so many times that I felt something in my neck or something I got up and I almost punched her. (I think I already told this story). My dad chuckled and didn't take the situation serious, I had to make dinner for my mother, but went to the doctor the following day, where a friend took me after i was done and saw another doctor. Because I was 18, they couldn't automatically press charges and so, I said no. This doctor told my doctor and she gave me a call. I told her to give her a warning that next time it happens I will definately press charges. My mother was sorry, but was saying that she was sleeping and had to work...always has to justify the behaviour...its funny...she's pretty good at teaching me to justify those behaviours...i guess you will understand why later....

When I finished high school, i won the business award, which I received $50 for it. That felt good...because I was able to stick it to those people in high school who were mean to me...

And then comes my university/college life.....where the shit still continues with people....


November 25, 2011, 12:16:06 AM
Reply #29

KC, I'm glad you had some good times in high school and made friends.

I was also raised Catholic (although I am lapsed now), and I had a really good time with the Catholic youth group in high school. I went on some retreats that were fun too. I also went to both my junior and senior prom with friends. It was fun and not as complicated as it would have been if I had a real date.

I'm sorry about your first bf who was a jerk to you. Funny, I had a similar experience happen with my first kiss. This was when I was almost 24 though. I waited so long for the right guy, and then I finally let this guy kiss me. And he was definitely not the right guy. He was also a jerk to me afterwards, so I know how you feel. He just refused to talk to me. When I called him, he wouldn't answer, and he wouldn't talk to me at all. This guy friended me on facebook a few years later. I still have not had an apology from him. I don't think he will ever admit that he did anything wrong.


Also, I'm really sorry about what your mom did.  :console: I wish you had pressed charges. It would serve her right. That was a really lame excuse that she gave, that you woke her up. No one likes to be woken up when they are trying to sleep, but we don't go around beating people up when they do it.

When we were kids, my brother had a really short fuse and used to hit me. One time we were playing Monopoly, and he slapped my hand really hard. When I asked why, he said it was because I was crumpling the money. He didn't hit me as hard as your parents hit you, but I do know what it's like to live with people who overreact like that.
This too shall pass.