I am finally getting to read this. I really hate you dad. I really, really hate him so much I would like to do him physical harm for what he did to you.
And, I am so sorry about what happened to your brother...and sorry about how religion got twisted up to make you feel the guilt. Jesus is supposed to be love and then they preach nothing but Hell. How awful for you that you thought you were going to Hell for what you dad did to you. None of this was/is your fault.